SKYPE

     About 5 years ago, my daughter and son-in-law spoke of this new (to me) possibility for communicating from far away, using your computer as both a phone and a camera, so a phone call could be viewed while speaking. It was and is called Skype, though now there is also Facetime, which gives a clearer picture, but my own computer is not advanced enough for it.
     My daughter and son-in-law told my husband and I, how it was that their friends were using Skype for their children to speak with their grandparents. I was sure I would not want to do that if I had grandchildren, that it was too impersonal and contrived.
     Two years later, our daughter phoned us and asked us to turn on our computers to the email page, as there was an important email for us. We knew this must be something momentous, but as I had long since decided we would not be grandparents, I did not expect what we saw. There on the screen was an ultrasound of a very small baby in the womb. "You are going to have a baby!" One of the happiest moments of my life occurred not in person, but from a great distance and through the technology of a computer. It did leave a feeling of loneliness and wishing she was near, knowing that others were near to her, that her sharing with me was among the last and not done in person, where we could hug, and speak with one another, and I could see her responses, how she was doing. But, I hope I did not say that, I hope I simply showed the excitement and wonder I also felt, and happiness for her and for her husband, all of which I felt.
     Our son-in-law had been preparing us for this, and later Skype conversations.
     Since the baby was born, we have been travelling to visit 3 times a year at their home, hopefully often enough that we can be meaningful in our relationships with our daughter, granddaughter and son-in-law as a new family, and most especially, to develop relationships with our granddaughter. Between these times, our daughter makes certain that we are able to Skype once per week. These Skype visits began at about 1/2 hour per visit, and have grown to an hour, as we play at each end of the computer connection, our granddaughter in her home, and we in ours here in Edmonton. We may play with playdough, lego, or sing nursery rhyme songs, read stories from a book we have in both homes. She may ask to see the snow here in winter when there is none yet where she lives, so we take the computer to the window and talk about shovelling the snow, about the bunny that lives in the backyard, how the snow looks like a hat on some of the bushes. We talk of her friends, outings and 'play dates' with them, birthday parties. 
     Our Skype weekly talks are invaluable to maintaining and developing our relationship with our granddaughter. Yet, after a while, we are all lonesome for a visit, and especially our granddaughter. It is difficult to keep the reality of your grandparents when they cannot really play with you. One day, while Skyping, she went into her play tent to play hide-and-seek with us. I said, "I want to come into your tent", as I would have done had I been there, and before I could qualify that, she replied, "You can't, you're in the computer!" She was a little over 2 years old. There was a little frustration in her voice, but she was also being very understanding with her grandmother, who appeared to have forgotten that she was "in the computer" and could not really play with her.
     When our granddaughter was around a year of age, and Skyping had begun, she would occassionally look behind the computer to find us. When we were not there, she would put her face right near the computer to determine if she could see into the room where we appeared to be. After not finding us, she (as children do) just went about her playing and conversation with us, knowing this was some kind of grown-up thing that she did not understand yet. Again, though, there seemed to be a little frustration that this problem could not be solved.
     Children want to understand their lives, their questions and explorings have real and serious meanings, including about trust and love. Most of us as adults can remember learning important understandings from an early age and throughout our childhood. We live in an age of toys and games for children, yet these are only useful if they effectively connect a child to real life. Our granddaughter prefers real activities like cooking, weeding the garden, sweeping the floor, using a computer, because these are the stuff of their lives, they actually accomplish important parts of life. She takes on a real excitement when she is able to help her mom or dad cook or weed the garden; she feels more important than usual, more like them. So, whether she is 'helping' her parents, her grandparents, or herself, when she knows this is real, it is more meaningful to her than playing with toys, however much she enjoys that too. Toys that enable real role playing of life, or being creative, are more often chosen and are played with longer, because they mean something to which she can relate. So, when we talk on Skype, it is an important talk, as parents and grandparents know. An example is always mentioning, now that she is going to have a baby brother, something about being a big sister, about babies and especially baby brothers. Songs chosen to sing might be either fun or lullabies, depending upon what time of day, what else might have occurred, and how she is feeling (sleepy, exhausted from a busy day, or energetic because it is morning).

     So, we do grandparent both in person when we can, and through Skype every week. I would never have believed that I would "Skype", or that it would be so important to all of us. This does not compare to living in the same city, but we make what we can of it, so she, hopefully, knows that there are two people here who love her very much and are here for her as much as we can be. We do know of grandparents who are not as much a part of their grandchildren's lives even when living close by, so living nearby does not automatically mean a good relationship with your grandchildren; you have to really relate with them, take time to understand them, to show them you care, to be as helpful to your own child, the parents of your grandchildren, as you can, regardless of whatever good or not so good background you share from when they were children. And yes, I do feel that I am a pon of the technological world more than I want to be, but it is for now, the price to relate with my grandchild and my daughter.